My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
