I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
