Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
