White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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