Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
