I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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