Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
