oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
