"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
