I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
