dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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