the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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