Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
