Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Randomize
