Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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