Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
