So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
