with your own penis?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
