OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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