Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
