I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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