I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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