community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
