C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
