Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your cock deserves a montage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
