If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
