I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
