ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
