i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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