Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
