I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
