haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
