I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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