he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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