there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
