My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the condom got lost in my hair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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