Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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