He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
