Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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