Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
