i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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