The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
