Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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