We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dear god my vagina.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
