just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
