well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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