Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
