Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize