billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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