I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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