Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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