Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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