At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
