3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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