If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
