this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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