I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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