God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
