the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
