I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
