You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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