I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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