He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
