i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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