a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
