I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I died a long time ago.
the condom got lost in my hair
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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