I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
