I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
