Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
