oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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