I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
